


crash, collide into space

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, F/M, Fluff, M/M, New York City, Side Ziall, Slow Burn, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, because I can’t help myself, harry’s too good for this world, i know exciting, i know this isn’t how student housing works, louis’ oblivious, shhh just go with it, this is my first fic go easy on me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:08:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Harry moves to New York for college.  Enter four new roommates, a brand-new city, and confusing feelings for one Louis Tomlinson.They fall apart.  They fall together.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fic I’ve published, so go easy on me! I’ll update as often as possible :) 
> 
> Title is taken from Hypocrite by Cage the Elephant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finds a place to live.

harry hated sundays. you wake up at noon, sit around for a few hours, and all of a sudden it's six in the evening.

but he hated this sunday specifically. see, his mother had good intentions - anne twist only wanted the best for her son. which is why on sunday night after dinner, she shoved a laptop into harry's hands and said, "we're kicking you out."

of course, she didn't mean it literally, harry knew that. but the summer was drawing to a lazy end, and harry was technically homeless. getting into new york university was by far one of the best things that had ever happened to him. the only problem was housing - harry forgot to apply for a dorm on campus. yeah, you're probably wondering how the hell he forgot something like that, and harry was wondering the same thing.

so harry sprawled out on the couch, lanky eighteen year old body taking up the whole length of the sofa. his cat, dusty, curled up on his legs, and harry scrolled through craigslist.

all of the housing ads seemed a little sketchy. one guy, nick, seemed nice enough, but his apartment overlooked a brick wall, and it was too far from the campus. he also ruled out a twenty year old girl named sarah, whose house looked like it smelled of burning sage and pot. no thanks, stevie nicks.

after an hour or two of scrolling, it was nearing nine, and harry was frustrated with the lack of results. he was about to close out of craigslist and open up netflix when an ad caught his eye.

it was listed by someone named liam payne, who was a sophomore at nyu. he and three other boys occupied a four bedroom apartment - harry guessed two shared a room, for some reason. the apartment complex was a five minute walk off campus, and sat on the seventh floor. the pictures looked nice enough, the decoration minimal and clean.

harry emailed this liam figure, and they set up a video chat for the next day.

harry went to bed at two am (because come on, it's summer) and scrolled on ikea for a good three hours. good times.

****

the next day, harry clicked on the skype link liam had emailed him last night and tried to pat down his hair. going to bed with it wet never ended nicely; his chocolate curls were crinkled and poofy. he decided on stealing a bandana from gemma and pushing his hair back with it. he hoped he didn't look too hipster - if he wanted that, he would've worn one of his mom's wide-brim hats. 

taking a deep breath and rubbing his eyes, he joined liam's call. 

the first thing he saw was a stunning bay window, in which two boys who looked a year or two older than harry sat. one was hugging a pillow to his chest, his dark eyes and even darker hair in stark contrast to the sun shining behind him. the other boy had friendly brown eyes and smile that would make anyone's day. the dark haired one noticed harry's attempt at a friendly smile and socked the other boy in the shoulder. 

"dammit, zayn, i told you to stop punching me... hi!" the brown eyed boy said, face lighting into an easy smile. he gave an enthusiastic wave. "i'm liam, it's lovely to meet you."

harry smiled back, dimples punching holes into his cheeks. "'m harry, i emailed about the apartment?" harry replied. 

"oh! you're curly," the dark haired boy said, who harry pinned as zayn. he turned to liam. "that's what louis kept calling him, right?"

harry just wore a confused smile and tried to follow along. who's louis?

liam gave zayn a thump on the arm before turning back to the webcam. harry wondered if them socking each other in the arm is something he should expect, if he moved in. "sorry, mate! louis' a bit neurotic about this type of stuff. he stalk- he looked up your instagram," liam said, cutting himself off when he looked off camera and received what harry guessed was a glare from this louis.

harry's eyes widened, and then he stammered out, "oh... erm, that's cool." even though the only posts on his page were shitty black and white pictures of harry and his high school friends, and his cat, dusty.

"anyway," liam said pointedly, to whoever was off-screen, "there are four of us in this loft right now. louis and i have our own rooms, and zayn and niall share one." 

harry nodded. "what happened to the last roommate?"

liam smiled, looked at zayn with a knowing smile. "when romeo here professed his love for niall, our other roommate," liam explained, poking zayn in the chest, "they ended up just sharing a room. we figured splitting the rent with another person wouldn't hurt."

zayn rolled his eyes. "i did not profess my love for him, liam, he found my sketchbook. the asshole went snooping through my things," he told harry with an annoyed but fond look on his face. harry tried to give him what was an i know, right? look, but he had no idea what happened to the actual interview.

"and now look what happened!" liam argued back. 

harry sat there on screen, still wondering who the hell niall even was. then again, harry was a sucker for romantic comedies, so he wasn't too pressed. "um, what- " he got cut off by liam saying, "oh, gosh, we're such bad interviewers."

"alright," he continues, "we have a kitchen with a stove, oven, microwave, etcetera, etcetera," he said. "there's a gym down the street, and a chipotle. with our cooking, it's a staple here. the neighbors are nice enough, as long as we don't blast nirvana at three in the morning," liam said, with a pointed look at who harry assumed was louis. 

off-screen, he hears a mock-offended, "well, if you got dumped at subway, you'd spend the night screaming heart-shaped box too, liam."

"maybe don't agree to go out with someone who suggested grocery shopping at price chopper for the first date?" liam retorted.

"shut up, hell will freeze over before you go out on another date."

zayn rolled his eyes and continued to speak to harry, as liam and louis started bickering. "sorry about them, they're insufferable. so, what do you think?"

harry remembered his mother reminding him he's technically homeless, and none of these guys seemed like the axe-murder-in-your-sleep type, so harry was pretty sure this is where he wanted to live. at least for a few months. he smiled, said, "i'm in."

everything's working out. 

****

everything's not working out.

harry found himself parked outside the apartment complex talking himself down from a panic attack two weeks after the skype interview with zayn and liam. they all seemed like pretty cool guys, right? so why harry was freaking the fuck out, well, harry couldn't tell you.

he took his keys out of the ignition and gets out of his car, leaving the somewhat threatening tower of boxes behind for now. the whole drive down, harry winced every time he took a sharp turn. he had quite the irrational fear that all of the boxes in the back would tip over and crush him to smithereens. so. 

harry was still trying to catch his breath as he made his way up the stairs, feeling all like he'll pass out any moment. 

he finally made it to the fourth floor, door number 428. harry knocked, his fist clenched and white.

a blond-haired boy answered the door, his cheeks flushed with laughter and a guitar clutched in the hand that wasn't on the doorknob.

"liam! he's here!" he turned around and shouted, startling harry with how loud this unassuming boy is. "'m niall, by the way," he said, setting down his guitar and sticking out a pale hand.

"i'm harry, s'nice to meet you," harry replied, shaking niall's hand and glancing around behind him. he hoped his hands weren't sweaty. gross.

liam walked over then, sporting an easy smile and a- coffee machine? he lifted one hand into a wave. "hi, harry, it's nice seeing you again. i have to drop this off at my friend luke's, so zayn and niall can just show you around. lou should be home in a few hours."

harry nodded, waved a goodbye and stepped inside the apartment as liam left.

the living room had lots of exposed brick and hardwood - harry's mom would go nuts for this place. the kitchen was tiny but had the essential appliances, and the hallways are decorated with art.

harry followed niall in, and the blond glanced over his shoulder and said, "dunno where zayn's got to. the idiot spilled paint all over our floor earlier, and he had to go digging for clorox wipes."

before harry had time to respond, a figure popped out of a bedroom, his black hair rustled and smelling like cleaning product. "you ass, i cleaned it up just fine," he said to niall. to harry: "harry! it's nice seeing you again. why don't we show you around?"

"that'd be lovely," harry replied, following the two boys down a hallway, off of the living room. they stopped at the first room on the left, which was surprisingly neat and tidy. the bed was made and a few books lay on the desk, a lacrosse stick and ball bag propped in the corner. 

"liam's room," niall explained, gesturing at the cleanliness of the room. "he's the neat one around here."

harry nodded as they walked further down the hallway. "here's the bathroom - we have a shower schedule pinned to the door, you'll just have to add your name," zayn explained. the bathroom was small but bright, but the sink was a mess. harry would have to take care of that, he thought, looking at the face wash and toothbrushes thrown haphazardly around the sink.

"and here's zayn and i's room," niall said, gesturing to the room in front of them. the bed was unmade and pillows were strewn about, and clothes and shoes were scattered across the floor. a desk sat on the far wall, with pencils and sketchbooks thrown about. there was also a guitar, an amp, and a binder full of sheet music laying on the floor. oh, dear god.

"it's... spacious," harry said, racking his brain for a way to say, how the hell do you get anything done in a space like this.

it must've shown on harry's face, but niall just laughed, said, "hey, we just moved our stuff in. we're going to ikea tomorrow, right?"

zayn nodded. "we'll have to soon, before niall's stack of records over there collapses on us in our sleep."

harry laughed. "hey, i had the same issue driving down here. records can be vicious," he said.

niall laughed, followed zayn and harry back towards the living room and down the second hallway. there was a room each on either side, and lots of art and records filled the walls.

"here's louis' room," zayn said, pointing to the room closest to the living room. it was small but bright, with posters of the killers and nirvana hung on his walls. all though there was a fair amount of clothes thrown about, it didn't compare to the hurricane that was niall and zayn's room.

"where is louis?" harry asked, noticing that he was the only roommate harry hadn't spoken to.

"he's at work right now, down at that starbucks on the corner. we can go for breakfast one of these days, we can usually hassle louis for a discount," said niall.

zayn nodded. "yeah, that place's got the good shit. anyway, here's your room."

harry's room was across the hall from louis'. it was also quite small, but there were two windows with a view of the street below their apartment. a bed frame and mattress sat, along with a dresser and an old desk. it would do. "it's perfect," said harry, smiling kindly.

niall grinned. "i think you'll like it here. anyway, where's your stuff? liam's gonna be the most help with all that, but zayn and i can carry up the small stuff."

"hey, i've been working out," zayn said, mock-offendedly. behind niall, he shook his head at harry, and harry snorted.

"keep telling yourself that, darling," niall replied.

harry laughed. "my car's parked out front, and most of my shit's in there."

****

after two and a half hours hauling boxes up to the apartment, harry, niall and zayn opted for lazing about in the living room and watching the office. harry decided he would decorate and set up his room in a few hours, after dinner and such. plus, he hasn't even met his fourth roommate. 

zayn and niall seemed to be nice, though. they bickered like an old married couple and seemed to be able to communicate through just facial expressions, but niall was loud and bubbly to fill the air with enough light-hearted jokes that it never became awkward. zayn looked like your stereotypical brooding art major who wore doc martens and black skinny jeans that were cuffed at the ankle, but harry was shown zayn's comic book collection, and watched him totally geek out over some old original art pieces he owned. harry could definitely see himself getting settled here.

they were on the episode where jim proposes to pam when liam finally burst through the door. "god, sorry it took so long, michael wouldn't shut up about luke. it's always 'luke leaves his socks all over the place,' 'luke's existence is the most annoying thing about him.'" he flopped into the upholstered chair that sat in the living room and buried his face in the throw pillow harry bought at target last week.

"sorry, who's luke and michael?" harry asked.

"they're the guys who live in the apartment next to ours, along with ash and calum. we'll probably have them over for dinner or something this week," said niall. 

zayn was preoccupied with trying discreetly to wipe at his eyes with his shirtsleeves. niall saw and chuckled, patting his hand. "what? you don't tear up at this scene?" he asked.

before harry could answer, the front door flew open and a high-pitched voice rang into the apartment. "honey, i'm home!"

harry looked over his shoulder from where he was curled up on the couch, throw blankets wrapped around his shoulders. a smaller boy waltzed into the room. he was toeing off a pair of beat up vans, flicking his feathery fringe from his face. when he looked up, harry was kind of floored. 

a pair of pale blue eyes stared back at him, light dancing in his irises as if that's where all of the sunlight in the universe was stored. he had pink pink lips and pink pink cheeks, and harry's eyes widened as he looked away, his own cheeks started to flush a dull rose.

"who's the boy on our couch?" asked who harry assumed was his fourth and final roommate, louis.

liam rolled his eyes. "that's harry, remember? he lives with us now."

louis then plopped down next to harry, dressed in black from head-to-toe. harry assumed this was because he worked at starbucks. or he was just a lazy emo, harry thought. explained that one nirvana poster in his room.

"hello harry, it's lovely to meet you," louis turned and said to harry, grinning.

"nice to meet you too, louis," harry replied. "we share a hall now, you know," he added, to make conversation. 

"ah, so niall and zayn finally got their shit together. people need to start telling me things in this household," louis announced to the small group in the living room, who were now watching michael preform cpr on a dummy to the beegee's "staying alive". "i bet you're a good roommate, harry," he added.

"oh yeah? how come?" asked harry.

louis shrugged, nose scrunching slightly. "i dunno, you seem like the put-together type. it'd be nice to have another, i think we've corrupted liam a bit too much. someone around here needs an ounce of common sense before i accidentally commit arson," said louis.

liam frowned at louis from where he sat on the stuffed chair. "hey, i made dinner three times this week. also, we've been over this: if you're the one with the lighter in the end, you're the one going to prison," liam said exasperatedly.

"i don't think half-cooked butter noddles and expired garlic bread counts as a whole meal. i bet harry can cook," louis shot back, turning to harry.

"well, i did take home and careers my first two years of high school. i can make a mean breakfast egg sandwich," harry said.

louis beamed at him. "perfect. i was getting sick of eating cereal. also, whatever fucker that keeps getting special k when it's their turn to grocery shop should stop buying that shit."

niall frowned. "just because zayn bought it once when his mom visited doesn't mean i can't. i'm going to keep buying it," he told louis. to harry: "we rotate grocery shopping weeks, there's a trader joe's right around the corner. shit's expensive, but we usually end up getting takeout anyway."

harry nodded. "my mom used to be a nurse, so i'm pretty good at making meals myself. maybe you guys can save some money on home-cooked meals," he offered.

louis sighed. "ah, a pretty boy with curly hair that makes me home-cooked dinner. what more can a boy want," he said wistfully. "i think we'll keep you around, curly," he said, turning to harry and grinning.

harry smiled back at him, dimples leaving craters in his cheeks. "sounds good to me."

****

louis had to wake up at fuck all o'clock in the morning if he wanted to keep his job that paid minimum wage. but, like, he was also a broke college student. got to take what you can get, right?

so louis was up at six in the morning for his shift at starbucks, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and drowning himself in instant coffee. louis once told zayn that he took his coffee like his soul: black. zayn had laughed and said, "i think you're more of a vanilla bean frap, lou."

he was digging in the laundry for socks and contemplating facing the wrath of zayn in the morning for sneaking into his room for clothes when the front door opened. he figured everyone was asleep at this hour, and louis' back was to the door, so he grabbed a clothes hanger and wielded it like a sword. "who's there? i've got a... knife!"

louis turned around, a gangly figure jumped back from him. "what in the world... louis?"

said gangly figure stepped out of the shadows, revealing a head of curly hair and a very confused pair of emerald eyes. 

"oh, heh. heh. harry!" louis said.

"louis? why're you threatening me with niall's hanger?" harry asked, wiping sweat from his forehead with a bandana.

"why are you up at the ass crack of dawn?" louis shot back.

harry stared at him. "i was running."

oh. louis had pretty much abandoned any hope of working out and getting super fit after doing a 5k for thanksgiving with liam. louis almost died. louis also almost ate his body weight in his mom's food. it was a decent day.

"at six in the freaking morning?" louis asked incredulously.

harry shrugged, wide shoulders moving under his band tee with the sleeves ripped off. "it gets too hot in the daytime. i didn't want to die."

louis frowned at him. "yeah, but you're not worried you're gonna get mugged or something?"

harry smiled, reaching into his joggers pockets and pulling out what looked like a flashlight. "pepper spray," he said, flipping the cap off to reveal a nozzle.

"you upstate new yorkers..." louis muttered. "you're all nuts. consuming too much stewart's; it's all going to your brains. anyway, i'm off, i gotta go to work," he added, slipping on his vans and fishing through the key bowl for his name tag.

"see ya, lou. make good coffee!" harry called over his shoulder, on the way to the shower.

louis chuckled, realized he was running late, and booked it to the elevator.

'twas a good morning.

****

harry finished classes on fridays at two, luckily, meaning he had plenty of time to do fuck all in the afternoons before his roommates came home. harry knew that liam tutored until four, and niall taught guitar lessons from three to four thirty. zayn did front desk duties at the art gallery a few minutes off campus, and louis sometimes picked up an afternoon shift if he had nothing better to do. harry found himself memorizing his roommate's schedules, and he smiled. this place was really starting to feel like home. 

like the fact that if someone used the kitchen sink and showered at the same time, the person in the shower's water would run cold. (harry had niall to thank for that - it was a nasty shock at seven in the morning). or the garbage disposal in the sink: harry found himself poking at it with various utensils whenever he was on dish duty; it was a piece of shit. one time, harry almost lost an airpod down there, if it weren't for louis standing right by the switch. harry uses his wired earbuds whenever he does chores now.

and it had only been two weeks, but he felt welcome. he smiled whenever louis made himself coffee before work and stuck a sticky note on the pot, reading, "harold - this is for threatening you with a hanger. enjoy!", or when niall stayed up with harry until two in the morning, showing him his whole record collection. (this dude named engelbert humperdinck had major exposure in the record game, harry assumed, with the amount of albums niall had of his). liam always seemed to be down to binge watch whatever harry was watching on netflix, and sometimes one of the guys that lives next door would, too. currently, they're on the good place; harry isn't ready for it to end. and zayn, he might look like your stereotypical angsty teenager at first glance, but he had the kindest smile and a heart warming laugh. plus, the absolute mush in his eyes whenever he looked at niall served for a good laugh. 

anyway, harry had this friday afternoon free, and that was dandy and all. he collapsed on the sofa and took a ten minute nap, only to be woke up by someone knocking on the door and calling out in an australian accent, "is anyone home, wankers?"

harry smiled, despite being awoken from his catnap, and padded over to the door. he opened it, revealing michael and luke from next door. michael had a cvs bag in his hands, with what seemed to be hair dye inside. 

"hey, mate, would you mind helping me do my hair? i don't trust luke to do it anymore, after what happened last time," michael said, shooting luke a wary glance. 

harry laughed. "i'd be happy to help." and then: "what happened last time?"

luke rolled his eyes, pushing at his quiff. "you spill neon pink dye on the carpet calum's mum bought us and suddenly you aren't allowed to go into walgreens and need to pay for calum to get a new rug." luke sniffed. they couldn't just leave the concrete floors in the living room, noooo."

"you wanna try sleeping on that?" michael shot back, throwing harry the bag of goodies.

harry chuckled, shaking his head and dumping all the contents of michael's bag onto their small kitchen table. apparently, louis nicked it from a garage sale shortly after moving in; they'd been eating on the floor before.

an hour later, michael was bent over the sink, bright green hair dye soaking into his scalp. the front door flew open. "honey, i'm home!" louis' melodic voice rang out. harry tried not to beam as he washed his hands and disposed of his gloves.

"lou? you're home early," said harry. 

"well, don't be too pleased to see me," louis said sarcastically, high-fiving luke from where the aussie was camped out on the couch, eating stolen chips from their pantry.

"'m always happy to see you, lou, i just didn't expect you," harry said as he followed louis into the kitchen, gesturing at micheal's radioactive looking head.

michael waved from where he was tipped over the sink. "hey, lou. did you bring left overs?"

louis rolled his eyes. "no, michael, i'm trying not to fuel your coffee addiction." he turned to harry. "i need your help with something."

"what's up, lou?"

louis sighed. "liam's making me make dinner tonight. he said we're spending too much on takeout, and he's tutoring late, and he'll feel bad if you have to make dinner. again," he explained.

"right, so what does that have to do with me?" harry asked, not unkindly. he didn't have anywhere to be tonight, anyway.

"liam told me to tell you that you had to supervise. he doesn't trust me in the kitchen alone, i guess. but you aren't allowed to help," louis said with a grimace.

"shame. harry makes a great cheese toastie," michael piped up from his spot over the sink. "he made me one last night while you lads were out getting hammered."

harry wasn't one for drinking. like, at all. so when the boys went out at the bars for drinks or one night stands, he'd prefer curling up with a book or watching netflix. there was no shame in that, harry thought. 

"i did not get hammered, mikey, i got pissed," said louis. he turned to harry. "so, what do you wanna make?"

****

fast forward another hour: "harry! harry, do you have the fire extinguisher?"

"i dunno where it is, lou, i've lived here for three weeks!"

harry was in a bit of a predicament. see, michael and his green hair and his roommate left about half an hour ago. since then, harry's tried to help louis craft a simple spaghetti and meatballs, with marinara from the can. and louis insisted that he do it on his own, which harry thought was a terrible idea, because louis didn't know how to turn the stove on. so harry went to his room and tried to start school work, when: "is that burning coming from the kitchen?"

and now harry was digging through the coat closet because louis didn't know where they kept the fire extinguisher. oh, and the pasta was going to burn a hole in the wall. and if they didn't hurry the hell up, the smoke alarm was going to start screaming in a second. "here!" harry shrieked, digging out the red canister and tossing it to louis. louis sprayed it all over their dinner, making it very inedible.

"next time," said harry, wiping foam off the stove, "maybe let me help."

louis smiled sheepishly. "yeah, alright. don't wanna burn the place down." and then: "so, pizza?"

harry sighed, fond but wary. "yeah, pizza sounds good."

they ordered and had the pizza delivered before the boys got home, along with some fries and a salad, at harry's insistence: "you aren't gonna keep that great figure of yours if you keep eating like that, you know." louis cackled.

"hey," harry said suddenly, "maybe you don't have to admit defeat just yet."

"i'm listening."

harry grabbed some paper plates and a cookie sheet, placing the pizza on the pan as if it just came out of the oven. "who says we didn't make this pizza?"

louis laughed. "i like the way you think, styles," he said, gathering the empty box and take out containers that held the fries and salad. harry dumped the salad into a bowl, and scattered the fries all over the cookie sheet. 

"perfect."

later, when liam was complimenting louis on his dinner, and zayn was gawking at how fresh the salad is, harry sent louis a wink across the table. louis snorted into his sleeve, and tried to play it off as a cough. 

harry was pretty sure he'd found himself a new partner in crime.

****

when harry comes out to the lads - well, it's a bit anticlimactic, if he's being honest. while the city is chock full of same-sex couples and out and proud queer kids, upstate is a while different story. seriously, harry's seen the electoral map. new york is always blue because of the city. update is red territory.

so harry'd grew up with exactly one queer friend: nick grimshaw, an out and proud gay. the thing was: nick wasn't any different than any of his straight friends. and in seventh grade, when harry caught himself staring at fletcher adams in english, he had one of those lightbulb moments. because the thing was, he looked at this girl named anna the exact same way.

at lunch one day, before the other boys came to the table, harry had simply said, "i like girls and boys." nick had stared for a second, because it's nick, and then went, "it's fletcher, isn't it? he's a bit of a looker," because nick spoke like a grandmother.

anyway, coming out to nick was simple because harry knew he'd get it. and then came gemma, his older sister. when harry was a freshman, he'd decided he didn't want to have to face all these new high school experiences without someone to vent to. and gemma, the person who knew harry better than anyone, was just the right person.

he'd walked into her room and sat on her bed while she did geometry homework. "gems, can i talk to you for a second?" he'd asked, hugging a sequined pillow to his chest and crossing his legs.

gemma turned around and gave him her full attention. it was one thing he loved most about his older sister; when she wanted, she could give her undivided attention if you were speaking about something important. "what's up, harry?" she said, setting down her pencil.

harry stared at his christmas socks, picking at the fuzz. "i think i'm bisexual. you know, i like guys and girls," he said in one breath, and it was like a weight lifting off his shoulders.

gemma gave him a dimpled smile, identical to his own. "c'mere, you idiot," she said, holding out her arms. resting her chin on harry's shoulder, she'd said, "we love you, mom and i do. i'm really happy you told me."

harry smiled, letting go and sitting cross legged on the floor. gemma joined across from him, smiling mischievously. "so, you got your eye on anyone?"

his mom was a similar case. on christmas eve, after his extended family had been ushered out the door, they did the dishes and harry told her. she'd just smiled and said, "you're my son. i love you no matter what, you know."

and yeah, there were the jackasses who didn't look him in the eye or asked if harry had crushes on them. there were the few that made a big deal about changing in the locker room, but their gym teacher made them run extra laps during warm ups. but he had nick, and his family, and some other friends who'd accepted him with open arms and friendly smiles.

so, when he mentions it to niall while they binge watch the good place, it's not a surprise his reaction is, "oh, cool. can you pass the popcorn?" dating zayn and all, niall would have to be an extreme hypocrite to judge harry on it.

when the episode ended, though, niall turned to him and said, "you know we love you either way, harry. it doesn't make any difference." harry had only been living with the boys for a month at that point, but the loft was starting to feel like home.

and yeah, bringing it up over their weekly "family dinner" on friday night, (liam's idea, of course), doesn't really shake anyone. louis snorted, said, "about time. zayn and i were about to start a betting pool." but under the sarcastic humor and dry wit, harry could see a soft fondness in louis' gaze. it made harry's heart leap. harry decided later that he didn't have the time to figure out what it meant. he's a busy guy, you know.

liam gave him that parental-type smile and said, "you know, harry, i have a gay friend you might like to talk to this about. his name's zayn, i don't know if you know him?" zayn, who sat across from liam at their makeshift dinner table, smacked his arm.

zayn flashed harry a smile. "love you," he said simply.

"yeah, well get in line, malik," louis said, pretending to glare at him.

harry just ducked his head and smiled at his socks.


	2. Chapter 2

halloween

"who the hell gave louis a steak knife?" liam wondered aloud, looking up at the ceiling like there was some glowing eternal being that could help him out of this. 

harry shrugged, smiling sheepishly. "he asked," the younger boy said, cleaning pumpkin innards from his hands and picking up his phone. 

the five roommates were crowded around the small kitchen table from the thrift shop a few blocks down. liam was able to snag four pumpkins from the grocery store, before they sold out. louis opted for bothering harry and chatting mindlessly about his past halloweens, while gesticulating wildly with a very sharp knife.

"...peter pan. isn't that perfect? my sister said i was too short, but i think that's just the role," louis was saying, digging out his phone and showing harry a picture of himself dressed as peter pan. two little blonde girls sat next to him, sporting identical pairs of sparkly fairy wings and green dresses. 

harry pointed at them. "your sisters?" he asked, thinking about the weekly facetime calls louis made from his bedroom. 

louis' face lit up. "yeah, those are the twins. that's phoebe and daisy."

harry knew that louis missed his sisters like crazy. unlike the rest of the boys, louis wasn't from the northeast. liam's family lived in new jersey, which wasn't a terrible train ride to make every so often. niall and zayn both came from a small vermont town, up in the mountains, and harry was from upstate new york. it was only about a three hour drive to get home, and the trip wasn't bad at all. 

louis was from north carolina. it was over ten hours to drive, and flights could be expensive. that meant instead of driving to see their family like any of the other boys could any weekend, louis relied on facetime calls and promises to visit during christmas. 

"what's halloween like down south?" harry asked, while eyeing niall's slippery knife work. 

"where i'm from, everyone's super friendly. my friends and i could go trick-or-treating by ourselves until we were sixteen, because no one wanted to turn away a kid looking for candy." louis smiled. "i got banished to door duty once the twins were old enough to go out, and dan was usually working. the kids were so adorable."

harry grimaced, thinking of the upstate kids. "we were lucky if our house didn't get egged or tp'd. upstate kids would rent air b&b's just to throw parties and trash it, and then leave it for the owners to clean up."

"kids did that all the time in vermont," niall chimed in, now helping zayn gut his pumpkin. "the ski houses get crazy popular once september hits. mostly community college kids."

zayn nodded. "our poor neighbors had to pay for a new door to be installed. some drunk kid carved his name in it, and then punched a hole through it." everyone at the table grimaced.

liam spoke up then, from where he was carefully carving his pumpkin. "i have an idea," he announced, wiping off his hands. "let's have an anti-halloween 'party.'"

the other four stared at him, so liam elaborated. "my kidneys are absolute shit, so i never got to drink or anything. i usually just stayed home on halloween with friends, watching christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate, so maybe we should do it now. i figured, what's the point of getting trashed and throwing up on some guy's lawn when we could be binge watching hallmark movies?"

harry loved romantic comedies, so he was all for it. "hell yes!" he said, grinning. 

niall and zayn shrugged. "last year at kenny's did get kinda wild. maybe a break would be nice," niall said. he turned to zayn. "you staying?"

zayn grinned. "i go where you go."

"good lord, i'm going to catch something if i keep hanging around you two," louis said, rolling his eyes. niall blew him a kiss. louis looked at harry and smiled his sunny smile, and it made harry's heart ache a little. it'd been doing that a lot lately; he decided not to dwell on it. "well, i can't be the only one not going out," he said. 

and it was settled; they were having an anti-halloween party. harry was running through christmas movies in his head when zayn spoke: "louis, did you draw a dick on harry's pumpkin?"

****

harry was seriously considering ditching louis in target and leaving himself. the two boys had walked a couple blocks to the nearest target, looking to buy some snacks and movies. louis had gotten sidetracked in the vinyl record aisle. harry spent about five minutes by himself in the food aisles before he got too self conscious to shop by himself. "lou, we're gonna run out of time if you don't hurry up," harry chided for the millionth time. 

harry heard light stomping, and louis was at his side. "c'mon, harry, just look for two seconds," he said, tugging lightly on harry's flannel sleeve. 

"no. it's quarter of nine, the store's closing."

"i'll buy you a peppermint mocha."

"deal," harry said. no, he was not swayed easily at all, but you couldn't say no to starbucks' holiday cups. 

harry followed louis, who tromped over to the racks of records. "look, they've got cage's new album," louis said, standing on tiptoe (harry's heart did the Thing again) and reaching for an album with quite frightening artwork. 

harry frowned. "jesus christ, you want to put that thing on your wall?" harry was aware of louis' record wall, which spanned the back part of his room. "it'll give you nightmares."

louis just shrugged. "reminds me of home," he mumbled, somewhat to himself. he plucked the vinyl off the shelf and flipped it over, pointing at the tracklist. "i went to a concert of theirs for my sixteenth birthday, with a few of my friends. they played an acoustic version of 'right before my eyes'."

"i've never heard of them," harry said, swinging his empty basket back and forth.

"'course you haven't, mr. 'i only listen to ariana grande and queen.' weird music choices, by the way," said louis dropping the record into harry's basket. "new york city is literally amazing, but i really freaking miss home sometimes."

harry couldn't relate; his parent's house was a three hour drive away. louis, on the other hand, had to either fly or drive over ten hours. "what was carolina like?" he asked. louis spoke about his family all the time, but not his hometown.

"ah, you know. i lived in shallotte, which is only about a thirty minute drive from north myrtle, so it was all seafood shacks and dinosaur themed mini-golf. we could bike to the beach, though. i miss it like crazy sometimes," louis spoke wistfully. "also, the weather is gorgeous in the summer."

"we've never been past d.c. it sounds lovely," harry said quietly. 

louis gawked at him. "it's wonderful, harry. maybe you can visit with me over christmas holidays," he said lightly. 

harry felt something in his chest leap. he'd never been close enough with a friend to take a trip down south. "yeah, alright." harry's eye caught his watch; it was 8:55. "oh, shit. we're almost out of time."

louis heaved a sigh. "have you no faith in me? go pick out three or four movies, i'll get some junk food, and we can meet at the checkout." 

harry looked at him skeptically. "in five minues?"

"yes! now go, we're wasting time." louis pushed harry towards the movie rack and then speed walked in the other direction. 

"don't forget my mocha!" harry called after louis' retreating figure.

louis wheeled around and gave harry the middle finger before jetting off to the junk food aisles. 

harry booked it towards the tall rack of movies. after short contemplation he picked out elf, love actually, and juno (it's not a christmas movie, but it was one of harry's favorites) then sprinted to the checkout; it was 8:58. there was only one register with a bored-looking teenager working at it and- wait, harry knew who that was. "ashton?"

the kid in the red polo turned, smiling with ridiculous dimples and floppy hair. "harry!" ashton called, waving. as harry approached, he noticed ashton was on facetime with his roommate luke. "i'm just on the phone with luke, since i'm bored and i can't start closing yet. he's ranting about michael, again," the aussie said, rolling his eyes. 

"well when someone throws their laundry in with yours, doubling the load, you'd complain too," luke shouted from the phone. his voice pitched very weirdly when he yelled, and harry found it hilarious. he started cracking up as louis skidded to the register, up in arms in chips and candy. 

"ash! i didn't know you worked here," louis exclaimed, dumping the contents of his arms on the belt. 

ashton shrugged, propping a provoked luke on the gum rack to begin checking their items out. "calum threatened to kick me out if i didn't start paying my full quarter of the rent. price chopper paid too little."

"damn, i need to get a job," harry said, pulling out his card. he'd worked at the local thrift shop back upstate, and had saved up some money before moving to the city, but he was running out. "d'you know of anywhere?"

"oh, there's a music shop on fifth street, it's like a five minute walk from the loft," said louis. "they sell cd's and stuff. i wanted to apply, but my mom said i needed to stick with starbucks for a while."

"i'll take a look on monday," harry replied.

luke piped up from the phone: "you could get us free music!"

"over my dead body," harry said, paying for the items. "you guys should come over for our anti-halloween."

"anti-what?" ashton said, now going through the register and counting bills. 

"we're watching christmas movies instead of getting wasted," louis said, "i know it's an aussie thing to do just that, though."

ashton laughed. in the short two months that harry had known ashton, he'd also met many of ashton's different laughs. "michael and calum are definitely going out, but luke and i might drop by. will there be snacks?"

louis rolled those brilliant blue eyes, gesturing at the grocery bag in his hand. "no shit, sherlock."

luke piped up from ashton's phone: "we'll be there!"

on the way home, harry asked about the four roommates. "they actually are australian, right?" he said, pulling open the staircase door. 

louis nodded. "it's a cultural exchange thing, i think," he replied, trotting up the stairs with harry. "i'm pretty sure luke, michael and calum aren't even eighteen yet." 

"huh. i've always wanted to do one of those," said harry. "except, like, spain, or france. i don't know who would pick america, of all places."

louis laughed. "you and me both, haz." the name made harry's stomach flutter. "i've been to england before, you know," louis said, quietly. 

harry did not know. "oh, when?"

"um, a year or two ago. to visit some extended family," louis said, looking at his shoes. "my aunt, she, uh, she got really sick."

harry felt his stomach drop. "oh, lou, how is she?" he asked gently. 

they were nearing the apartment door. "oh, she's still alive. just- just very weak." louis fished a key out of his jogger pockets., avoiding harry's eyes. "it's some autoimmune disease. they're just trying to make her comfortable."

louis was blinking very fast, and his key dangled at his side in his hand. "when was the last time you saw her?" harry asked softly. 

louis shrugged. "a year? maybe a year and a half?" his voice was dangerously wobbly. "we facetime every we-"

louis was cut off by a hug from harry. harry was only an inch or two taller, but he still pulled the older boy into his chest. he felt louis drop his bags and then wrap his arms around harry's waist, burying his face into harry's down coat. 

harry heard sniffling. the sound put him on the verge of tears. louis pulled away, gently wiping at his eyes. "don't get all teary on me, styles," he said, his voice slightly shaky. 

harry smiled. "wouldn't dream of it."

****

louis had to get his shit together. 

he had to stop crying in front of pretty boys, he meant. no matter how pretty those boys were. cherub-y, you could say. perhaps even angelic. or maybe-

the sound of the microwave beeping brought louis back to reality. he could hear the other boys chatting in the living room, huddled around the television and fighting over what to watch first. 

all of these thoughts about harry weren't just because louis thought he was attractive. there had been many instances over the past couple of months that had led up to this infatuation. just being around harry was nice. harry had some kind of aura that made everyone around him feel- nice? appreciated? he spoke with earnest and honest interest to whoever was lucky enough to have a conversation with him. 

once, louis was too keyed up to sleep after finishing the good place and ended up pacing around the kitchen. at two in the morning. harry had wandered out, with sleep-soft eyes and ruffled hair. (it did something funny to louis' heart.) 

"lou?" harry had taken to calling him "lou" after a week or so. louis thought it was kind of adorable. "it's two a.m."

"i know," louis had replied, sitting down at the kitchen table. harry sank into the chair across from him, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. his fuzzy-socked feet came to rest on the chair, and he rested his head on his knees. dark brown waves fell around his cheeks, which shone porcelain in the moonlight. dear lord, this boy was beautiful. 

harry tilted his head. "why're you up so late, then?" 

louis blinked at him. "could ask you the same."

that earned louis an eye roll from some spring green eyes. "you woke me up. i'm a light sleeper."

louis flicked him in the head affectionately. "i'm kind of having an existential crisis, i think."

harry crossed his arms over the table and dropped his head into them. "it's too late for this. or early, i don't know," came his muffled response. 

"no, but, like, are we even real?" louis asked. harry lifted his head and gave louis a light punch. 

"that felt real, didn't it?" he grinned impishly. 

"you're a dork."

"you love me."

"don't mention it."

so yeah, things with harry were just- easy. things with liam and zayn and niall were easy too, but that was after months and months of friendship and classes together. harry had only lived with them for two months. so didn't he feel like a total stranger to louis? why did he entertain all of louis' stupid ideas? (see: mentos and coke off the roof, or talking about moral philosophy at two in the morning.) harry was quickly becoming one of louis' best friends, which didn't happen easily. 

"lou! speed it up with the popcorn!" niall's shout came from the other room. louis could hear the menu music to elf playing from the surround sound system niall's brother got him for his birthday.

"can you pour me a cup of coke?" luke called from his place snuggled into the loveseat, next to ashton. 

"get it yourself, you lazy ass!" 

luke slumped into the kitchen, a blanket patterned with penguins wrapped around him. louis gave him an affectionate flick in the head, then dumped salt and butter into the popcorn. after padding back out to the living room, he set the popcorn down onto the table and then plopped down next to harry unceremoniously, who was sprawled out on the floor. he was buried in a nest of throw pillows and blankets. louis did not dwell on the fact that they smelled like harry (vanilla-y with a hint tobacco.) louis stretched out on his somach, propped up on his elbows. 

"oh! i actually did remember your mocha, actually." louis sprang up from his place on the floor, walking back into the kitchen. luke was sitting hunched over at the kitchen, speaking with niall in hushed tones. they stopped and stared at louis when he entered the kitchen.

louis wrinkled his brows. "what?"

luke stood and wandered back out to the living room, after giving niall a significant look. louis turned to him. "what the hell was that?"

niall shook his head. "it was nothing, lou. not my thing to tell." niall followed luke back out, dropping onto the couch between zayn and liam.

louis hated being left out of things. is that extremely petulant? sure. is louis aware? also yes. but then again, he's had some shit go on in his life, too, so luke could come to him if he needed louis. 

louis just liked being nedded, alright? 

he opened the fridge and dug around a dozen takeout boxes for harry's coffee, then popped it in the microwave for a minute or so. "louis! hurry the hell up," zayn said, his head popping above the back of the couch. 

louis waved a hand. "just start the movie without me." 

****

ashton was sound asleep, head resting on luke's collarbones. luke himself looked half gone, with his eyes at half mast and his body tucked comfortably into the loveseat. louis was still stretched out on the floor, harry's lanky body next to his. harry was drowsy, by the looks of his eyes, but he wasn't asleep yet. the end of juno was playing, and louis was trying very discreetly to wipe his eyes. 

harry poked him in the cheek. "so you aren't a total stone cold bitch."

louis poked him back, right in those grand canyon dimples. "says the one who had to binge cat videos on youtube after watching clouds." they had a movie night a couple weeks ago, and they watched clouds on disney plus. everyone was wrecked. harry had to leave before the movie actually ended because he was just that sad, and niall spent half an hour sobbing into zayn's shoulder. louis thinks he listened to exclusively the smiths after that night. 

harry frowned. louis decided to refrain from telling him harry still looked like an actual sunbeam. "well, yeah. you were crying too." 

louis sniffed pompously. "at least i watched the end of the movie."

"yeah, yeah." harry surveyed the room. "where'd everybody go?"

"niall and zayn went on a walk, and liam went to bed." louis turned and looked at luke, who had tears streaming down his face as he watched jennifer garner hold her son. he looked too tired to wipe his face, his head pillowed on ashton's. "ashton and luke can just crash here." 

"wait, niall and zayn are on a walk? it's like two in the morning." 

louis sighed. "liam made them buy tasers and pepper spray off amazon. i don't blame him, some of these people are shady." louis made eyes at harry, and harry laughed. like, really loud. he clamped a hand over his mouth, and louis was half in love with this kid. 

wait, what? 

louis decided he was going to pretend he never thought that.

he concentrated at staring out the window when luke piped up from where he was tucked next to ashton. "harry, has anyone ever told you you have an odd laugh?" he said, speaking in that quiet luke way he did. 

harry frowned at him. "ashton irwin is literally sleeping right next to you, so you aren't allowed to say i have a weird laugh," he said, stretching those ridiculous limbs. "he laughs like a school girl."

louis laughed, and harry looked somewhat pleased. "'m going to bed," louis said, standing and collecting his duvet from where it was spread across the floor. 

harry sprang up suddenly, catching louis by the wrist. his fingers were gentle from where they were clasped around the jut of louis' wrist. "goodnight, darling," harry said, putting on an atrocious british accent. 

he dropped a light kiss high on louis' cheekbone. after giving his wrist a gentle squeeze, harry flitted off to his room. 

"uh... yeah, dude, goodnight!" louis called quietly after him. he was embarrassingly flustered, and tripped over his words. harry just looked back at him and grinned, dimples popping out in full force.

it was embarrassing how flustered harry could make louis with a cheek kiss and a wrist squeeze. 

louis turned around to see luke smirking at him, inside his and ashton's mountain of blankets. louis gave him what he hoped was an intimidating glare. "not a word, hemmings."

luke played innocent. "wasn't gonna say anything," he said, chin pressed to the top of ashton's head. "you think he's cute?"

louis rolled his eyes, muttering, "i'm not gonna do this with you." luke looked at him with his eyebrows easier until louis said, "yeah, okay, he's cute. he's nice looking."

"nice looking," luke deadpanned. 

"well- yeah- he's got that hair, right? kinda makes him look like a prince," louis said, sleepiness taking over any brain cells begging to be used. "he ties it up with that headband sometimes. zayn thinks he looks like a hippie, but i think it looks cute. and his eyes, they're like, light green and crystal clear. i've never-" 

louis got cut off from his rambling when luke burst into giggles. he ignored louis' scowling and laughed as silently as he could, body racked with laughter. "holy shit," he gasped, wiping tears from his eyes, "you are so screwed."

the thing was, louis already knew that. he wished there was some kind of instruction manual for having a hopeless crush on your roommate. (maybe a wikihow article? with illustrations?) 

louis opted for sticking his nose in the air and turning on his heel, walking loftily to his room. luke called a hushed, "goodnight, lover boy!" down the hall.

louis spun around with a flourish, gave him the middle finger, and flounced off to his room. 

and then listened to radiohead's ok computer on repeat until his eyelids got heavy, staring out the window like the existential cliche he was. if any tears were shed, there weren't any witnesses to confirm or deny that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I know this fic if still in the early, early stages, but I wanted to add that updates might come slower, what with school and all. Thanks!


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